{Stuff 'n things}

 The greatest "surviving deployment" find: my new double-wrist watch. Bringing deployment into fashion. Now I can always have my time and his time with me... Thanks, Nordstroms.

 Kjirk will be home soon. He sent me this photo. He makes me happy.

Finals are making me crazy. Because some of my homework involves this craziness. Yeah, gag.

Tonight dinner looks like this:

And yes, that is Jennifer Lawrence (aka Katniss) on the front of my Glamour mag. Who's excited! Today I bought seven tickets to the midnight premiere. YES.

{Gah}

Gasp. I need all of these. Damn, you, Anthropologie. Maybe I'll force myself to narrow down and choose a favorite and gift it to myself once Spring quarter is completed. I'm doing Summer school this year to get ahead. But my goal is to spend 3-4 days a month at the lake. It will be a great place to "study."

{Recap...}

Hello lovelies! Happy Monday.

Yeah. I know. It's Wednesday. 

A few updates:
-I started getting sick on Wednesday (last Wednesday).... by Thursday I knew I had been hit for good. I didn't get out of bed until Sunday. Everyday I'm a little better. I haven't worked in about a week in a half (yay for not getting a paycheck!) Tomorrow is my first day back. Which will be great.
-My car got broken into and the dummies stole the only thing of value to me. My textiles book that I've been working on all quarter for school. It's of no value to them, they can't sell it- it's my own homework- but, damn. That was so important to me. I have barely a week to start completely over what it's taken me all quarter to do.

Yucky! I have about two weeks left until finals so I'm a borderline crazy person right now.

I just found out Kjirk comes home sooner than I though. Yay? YES! However, I'm really trying to bust my tail to get ahead on my finals so when he comes home I can just spend time with him... and not finals. Those two weeks are more precious than anything to me.

I'm ready to not be a crazy person. Oh, and wish me luck. Tomorrow will be my first "full day" since I've been sick. Translation: first day without taking a two hour nap when I get home from school.

{Deployment}

As you've read, I am currently "surviving deployment."

It is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It's so unique.

It is brave. It is hard. It is sensitive. It is thoughtful. It is rude. It is long. But mostly. It's worth it.

Kjirk is in the ARMY. He is an infantryman.... more specifically he is apart of the airborne division. Yes. He jumps out of airplanes. He's my adrenaline junkie.

He has been deployed since December 5th, 2011. He will not come home until September or October.

I haven't seen him for almost 4 months.

I have some thoughts on being a military SO (significant other) that I thought I would share with you. I don't know if it's a unique perspective, or a common one. It's just a perspective. But I thought I would share.

I've know many girls that swoon over a soldier. They love the uniforms (ok- well, who wouldn't). They love the men. And there is something about that lifestyle that attracts them. There is something they want in being with a soldier. I know you've seen these girls. I went to high school with them. I meet them around.... they do exist. And I do believe they are many.

I was never one of them.

I'm sure they are great guys, and there is a girl for them... but why would you go looking for this lifestyle?? Why would you want to date/marry someone who is gone. ALL. the. time.? Someone who has a very dangerous job. And why would you want to date someone so fascinated with guns and has to wear camo? Let me say it again... camo.

Well, look at what you get when you think like that.

I'll never be one to say "we are deployed." No. "We" are not. Kjirk is. But "we" do face this together. We both go through it and we both have our very own unique difficulties with it.

But this is my thought. These girls pining over their soldiers.... the scare me with the thought that they find their identity in their man.

There are several jobs in soceity that a man has that the wife's job is always titled "-------'s wife."

President's wife.
Pastor's wife.
Soldier's wife.

There are more, to be sure. But a soldiers wife, or a soldier's SO is what I'm talking about today. I've been reading many blogs and going through many websites for SO support during deployment. Believe me, we need to stick together. While I have never met many of these women, they tend to offer me better support than even some of my dearest friends.

Why? Because deployment is such a unique thing.
Why? Because they get it.
Why? Because if I have one more person tell me they "get it" because their boyfriend lives 2 hours away... I might kill them.

But as I search. As I read I come to find that that is who some of these women are. They have lost. their. identity. They are in every sense of the military word: The "dependent."

(Note: please hear me that I am NOT catergorizing all military wives/or SO's. Just some of whom lifestyle I would like to avoid.)

Many women find that that is how they are to live their lives. As the dependent. It is a lifestyle. Absolutely. 100%. My life really changed in some aspects because of the Army and I'm not even in!

But. Here's the difference. I am not solely a soldier's SO. I am Amanda. The same girl I was before.

I am a student.
A good cook.
I work.
I own a floral design business.
A passionate lover of Jesus.

And now I can proudly add a soldier's SO to that. This really applies to deployment.

Guys let me tell you. It's HARD. So very, very hard. Sometimes I think people don't realize it that I'm close to. Since Kjirk already lives long distance from me... what's the difference now? WRONG. And other times, just because I have a happy face all the time. Well, that doesn't mean it's all ok, either. It is a daily struggle.

I find pride in what Kjirk does. But I will not let it define me.

Actually, I think it does quite the opposite.

He and I have a very unique relationship. We are veryyyy opposite in many many ways. I am the artistic type. I talk too much. I can't let us go anywhere from point A to point B without pointing out something mundane that I just want to stare at because of it's beauty. He listens to only rap. Lil Wayne, actually. He's can be rather quiet. He really likes his guns and being outdoorsy. Yet we are the same in so many others. We are supportive of each other, we have the same goals for ourselves. We listen well. We make quite a team. I've always known I have a tendency to develop dependence on others. In friendships, relationships, etc. My last relationship became quite unhealthy. We were both too dependent on each other. I knew I could never let that happen again. I laugh at God's irony in this. There is no way for me to become too dependent on Kjirk, I don't think! Yes. We have a dependence on each other that I think is beautiful. Exactly the way a relationship should be. We rely on each other. We always have each other's backs. We are a team.

But he is often gone. Sometime's I don't hear from him for a week (please imagine having zero contact with your SO for a minute, and let it really sink in....). So what do I do? Wait around for him? No. I live like I would. I do the things I always do. I have to think of fun things to do on Friday nights, because I don't always get to go on dates. I have to always take out the garbage. I have to remember to rely on the Lord when I am alone- and not just Kjirk.

 I will remain independent. I will be me.

And the times he is home... Well, those are the days I love. I am a better person when he is home. It's the best of times. He adds to my happiness immensly. It's like happily ever after...

Thanks for listening. Do I have any military readers?

Oh! And p.s.  Kjirk actually gets to come for 2 full weeks of R&R in the middle of March. That's soooo soon!! I'm so ready!

Also. Ignore the doofy face I was making in that picture. It's the best I've got. Also note, that I was also standing on my tip-toes.

{Redemption}

Something profound happened to me on Sunday.

I went to church.

Now for anyone that knows me or even somewhat regularly reads my blog knows that is the norm for me.

I've gone to church since I was born. Every Sunday. Which then turned into every Wednesday night, every Tuesday night and often one other night of the week. Church was the norm. But this was different.

Recently I've been going through some changes. My church that I've attended since I was 7 was a place I. just. didn't. belong. I was always taught that that is no reason to leave a church. So I stayed. Awkwardly. Often alone. And confused. These changes I were experiencing were beyond confusing. The same things I've been taught since I was 7.... they just weren't making sense anymore.

I found myself struggling to believe most of it.

I read this book. If my church were to have a banned book list. This would have been on it. 

I watched this video. I almost cried. If you haven't yet, please do.

These put into words what I have been feeling.

Yes. I love Jesus. But, honestly. I have come to hate religion.

I know that sounds so blasphemous. But it's not. I've always said "I don't believe in religion, I believe in relationship!" But I was still missing the point. Simply because my "religion" doesn't look as rule following, or strict as some others. I was blinded. It was just as much religion bull as anything else.

Suddenly my eyes had been cleared. I always felt I was surrounded by a sea of fake people. But now it felt worse. We preach against being pharasitical. Referring to "those" pharisees. Beware of them.

Wait. What?

WE have become the pharisees. Don't you see? Using lofty, eloquent prayers in public, setting impossible standards, not loving everyone, not reaching out.

I made the decision to no longer attend my church and it was one of the hardest, most painful, best, happiest, ugliest, challenging decisions I've ever made. Please hear me. I really love that church. Still do. They are family, too. I've grown up there. Since I was barely seven. There are people I ache for, wishing they will see what I see and come on this journey with me. I love them. But it was time.

I took a little hiatus from church in general. Trying to truly figure out, if that's not what I believe, what exactly do I believe?? I had a lot of questions, but not a tremendous amount of answers.

What does a life of loving Jesus look like without religion? How can I live that?

I read this book. I recommend it.

Finally this Sunday- February 19, 2012. I visited a new church with a friend. It was scary. Intimidating. I've never really attended another church. But when I walked through the doors. There was peace. And I could feel it.

The music started. We sang. I couldn't help but let my eyes wander around the room. There was so much diversity... not what I was used to. There were so many people my age... not what I was used to.

The pastor began to teach. And the tears began to flow.

About 15 minutes into the service I started crying. And it didn't stop.

He was teaching about all the very questions I had been asking... but he had answers. Wait. Let me rephrase that. The Bible had answers. He simply put them in a context (the correct context, I might add) that brought light to everything. It all made sense again.

I sat there overwhelmed. Coming to the conclusion that I have been taught lies since I was so young. Unintentionally... hurt was never meant, they are simply just misguided. But to also know I was finding answers. Truth. There was GRACE in his teaching. There was love. Not condemnation. There was truth.

It was liberating.

And I am excited. 

Liberation and excitement is exactly what this girl needs.

{Thankful}

Today I am thankful for moms that let their daughters tag along to Costo and let them buy groceries.

And yes, I will eat that many bananas and beeby oranges by myself. Yummmm.

{NEED ALL THE SHOES!}

Have you ever seen one of those little memes from from Hyperbole and a Half? The kind with the crazy girl figure saying "Pin ALL the things!" etc.? Well, today I feel that way. But about shoes. I need all the shoes! Particularly from Lulus today. If I could wear a platform everyday, I would.

 

Have a lovely 3 day weekend! 

xoxox,

A

{Valentine's Day}

I love Valentine's day. I know I've said it a million times.... but it's true. I just love it. I have to say, this has been by far the best Valentine's day ever.

It started with a class party. Passing out Valentines and eating yummy treats. Work was slower than slow... but it was sweet as the flowers just kept showing up for people! My mom made a special appearance and brought me Valentine's, too. I had a party with some girlfriends who were alone that night, too. We ate yummies, made heart shaped brownies, and watched Valentines' day.

This was one of the little things my Mom made me... too cute, right? I think it will most definitely stay up all year. :)

 

My Valentine spoiled me big time. Even from the other side of the world. He sent me a sweet gift card to spend the entire day at the spa (mani/pedi, facial and massage... 5 hours.... bliss). And sent me flowers at work, too. Being a florist he really stresses out about sending me flowers, but he always does a great job! I have my favorite flowers, for sure, but honestly... who would complain about getting flowers?! It was sweet when he told me that he picked these out special because they were called "old fashioned love." And since I like "ya know, vintagey stuff, n things" he thought I would like them, too. :) My room smells amazzzzing.

 

Kjirk got to open his Valentine care package while skyping with me... that was pretty special. One of the things I sent him (cheesy, yes) was a pillow I made. Yep. That's Spokane, Washington. And that's Afghanistan. He loved it.

Today, I slept in. Yes. It's the truth. I played hooky from my hardest class because I needed a mental health morning. Some days you just need to sleep in. Stay in your jammies and messy hair and drink tea. So I did. 

 

{Asparagus, Coloring and Why I Have the Greatest Cat}

First off, let me say I just love food. As a lovely Some E Card so elegantly states, "My life is a constant battle: wanting to eat and not wanting to get fat." It's totally true. I will say that I do love to cook, and besides my wicked sweet tooth, I'm a pretty dang healthy eater. My most recent food love: Asparagus. Holy heck, yummmm.

Secondly, I  totally have a love/hate relationship this school. Can I get an amen? I never actually thought there would come a day that I would say that I love school.... but I truly do. Being in design classes... my heart just knows that's right where it belongs. It's home there. I love walking around campus [mostly]. I love wearing my backpack (really). But I have my moments. On days when I'm so tired I cry. On days where I think I might just want to hit my lovely, sweet, kindhearted, shortest Polish, hardass, architectural graphics teacher. Or on days when my little community college classroom is so cold that we have to bring our own heaters. Sometimes days where I just can't seem to bring myself out of bed. Or mostly the days when I'm so tired I have meltdowns and I have to call me (oh-so-amazing) boss and see if I can come in late [again] so that I can do homework. But really, it's all good. Truth be told, I really kind of love it when this is what homework makes me look like. But not when I'm at school and I have charcoal streaks on my forhead, or above my lip giving a moustache and no one tells me.

Lastly. I will admit that I'm a crazy cat lady. I just love my little kitty. She really is my best little friend. She snuggles more than any cat I've ever met. She's always there waiting at the door with me. She falls asleep with me. She amazes me. She knows when I'm sad, or stressed/overwhelmed. She knows if I'm sick, or if I'm having a lonely day and missing Kjirk. She always knows. And I love that she's really dumb. Her name is Scout. But she thinks it's Kitten. So Kitten she is. But sometimes she's Bean, or Dinglefritz (when she's being particularly daft), or most recently- Squeegy Beckenheim (does ANYone watch GG?). She seriously just sits in my lap while I do homework. She da best.

{Lockets}

I just love lockets. I think they are so special and have so much character. It seems like they are so hard to find, though. I just stumbled upon this Etsy full of them. They are all so beautiful!

{Breakfast Yummies}

While working and going to school and the same time and just generally trying to have a life- I stay pretty busy. Actually, life is pretty overwhelming, usually. With my school schedule varying, and being away from home so often, it's difficult to find a way to eat healthy. This quarter I've been trying my best. This recipe has really helped! I can make it on Sunday night and keep it in the fridge to warm up individual slices every morning  before I go to class. It's perfect. It gives me energy with lots of protein and veggies in the morning.

Spinach, bell pepper, suasage breakfast Quiche

1 lb Italian sausage

1 C chopped onion

7 oz. jar drained roasted red bell pepper 

                         OR 1 large red bell pepper, chopped & roasted

9 oz. package frozen spinach- or fresh

1 C unlbeached flour

1/4 grated Parmesan

1/2 tsp Salt

1 Tbsp Basil

8 eggs

2 C milk

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Grease pan. Brown sausage and onion together. If needed, roast peppers in oven. Line the pan with the browned sausage, onion and peppers. Add the spinach. Mix eggs, milk, salt, basil amd flour together thoroughly. Pour over existing ingredients in the pan. Bake for 20-25 minutes. Wait 5 minutes. Enjoy!

*Note* For me personally, I half this recipe. That is plenty for me. Last for days in the refridgerator. I also use lean sausage. I use Jimmy Dean low fat.

{Be My Valentine}

Every year I swoon over Valentine's Day. It doesn't matter if I'm single, in a relationship, at school, at work, busy all day... doesn't matter. Something about Valentine's day just makes me thrilled. This year my man is still in Afghanistan (sad) but I'll be a busy bee helping my Aunt at her florist shop. If only I had these little beauties to splash in the puddles with...

Via

Hello, World!

Well hello, lovelies! It's been a while. I'm so sorry. Life's been a little crazy. Good. But crazy. You all have been sweet with your concern about my absence. Well, all is well and here's a little recap to where I've been and what I've been doing. Let's see...

I started school this September. And, well, I kind of love it. Crazy. I never would have thought I would ever say that. I bought a new stripey backpack. It felt like first grade and I was so nervous. I picked out a new outfit that looked like I wasn't trying too hard. I wore my most favorite coral pants from Urban. It was good.

I had a lovely Autumn. Trying to figure out school and work and life all together. It was good.  Autumn is pretty.

November was wonderful. Why? Well, there might have been something I haven't mentioned. There is this guy. And he's kind of perfect. And by kind of, I actually mean really perfect. We're a little head-over-heels for each other. And by a little I really mean a LOT.

He's in the military. We do this whole thing long distance. Which is not the most fun I've ever had. But so so worth it. He came home again for two weeks in November. It was the last time I would see him before he deployed. We had Meg take some lovely photos.

December was good. It was hard to adjust to not being able to talk to him now that he's in Afghanistan. But I stayed busy. Got through finals. Amazingly. And then got to spend a much needed week with my sister in Colorado. We made the ugliest Christmas card known to man. And wore skiing hats. Because we decided to go on a two mile walk in the frigid outdoors. We didn't warm up for a long time.

 Here we are already almost through January. I spend a lot of time on school work. In drawing classes, and a TON of time on the drafting board. With lots of coffee and poptarts.

And here we are today. Winter finally showed up. We even had a snow day on Friday. I really hate winter. So when I ventured to the grocery store today, I just had to pick up some of these gorgeous red tulips. They are really making me happy.

Thanks for still reading!
xoxo

{Autumn Recap}

I thought I was in the midst of Autumn. It snowed yesterday. I think I was wrong, I think we're at the very end of it...  Snow tires are being acquired this week and I purchased my very first Peppermint Mocha at Starbucks this weekend.

So this is my Autumn Recap. It was a lovely Fall.